"The time has come,"...... the Walrus said,"

"To talk of many things...
...Indeed it has. The time has come, that I have not been looking forward to at all. Tomorrow morning we will be sending our little girl off to kindergarten. Her clothes are ironed, her lunch is packed, her new book bag by the door..... And all of a sudden I have a headache, tummy ache, my heart is tight, there is a lump in my throat, my eyes keep watering and I don't want to go to school tomorrow.....I think I am coming down with something terrible...something I have had before.... the mommy blues. I thought for sure that an entire year in preschool would have prepared me for this, yet it has not. Actually, I think it is a bit worse this time around...this time it's the real deal, we have to send her...and she is so badly wants to go too. Tonight, as I was ironing her outfits for the week, she came in and said, "mommy, why is your face red, are you crying? You're crying because I am going to school and you are going to miss me, aren't you? You know I will still see you at night and we can cuddle then." All said with a smirkingly cute and innocent face. I know I should be glad that she is so thrilled to go, and I am. I guess what I am afraid of is that tomorrow when she comes home from school, all of her sweet and tender innocence that she is so full of, will be swept away, gone. She will storm through the door with a dog-eat-dog attitude, telling me how it is.... I guess that's my fear from here on out. Although, deep down, if I dig, I know that's not true, and if I stay on the right track,
nurturing her as I have been, hopefully she will not sprout sharp little horns. And don't even try to tell me it gets easier...I know that's not true.

I have to go through all of this again, with my little guy... he will be turning three soon enough! I think tomorrow is going to be just as hard on him as it is on me. He doesn't really understand that his one and only favorite sidekick won't be here with him daily for the rest of the school year. I have learned so much from their relationship, being that I am an only child and all, everyday they amaze me. All day long they are together, side by side, playing one game after another. They have their moments, believe me, there are many times I have to separate them. For the most part they truly love one another, like no relationship I have ever had.

So many mixed emotions lately...many changes, so much going on. Sometimes I feel like curling into a tiny ball and rolling back into the very quiet life I once had, then other times I feel like summiting the closest mountain, so I can stand there, arms widespread, and yell... "alright life, bring it on"........right now, I am not so sure how I am feeling...somewhere in between goodnight moon and oh, the places you'll go.